My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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