come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have aggressive nipples.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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