Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
