i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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