He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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