tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize