when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize