you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize