Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
