I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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