first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
