If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i will never coherently bang her
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
