it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
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Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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