this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
