just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
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How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
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He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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