I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
