How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
