i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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