You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
