those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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