if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
