Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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