So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Randomize
