hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
