Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
