the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
