First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
