capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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