I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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