i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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