I swear she didn't look like that last week.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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