She is in my trunk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
