i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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