Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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