if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
