last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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