well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
