There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
