drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
