Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
