i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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