So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
