We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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