I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
