is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I'm really busy with my period
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