She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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