We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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