your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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