I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
