carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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