then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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