Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
