She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
