You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
